What should I do that I feel so fuckin empty in my chest? What the hell should I do for it? Will it ever be ok again? Will I ever get to feel like a human again? Will I be able to see colours in the world? I dont accept it. I dont wanna. But its the truth, there's nothing alive in me. When I'm scared, I cant take it. I just force myself to forget it. And I do forget. But im still scared, im so fuckin scared. Im so scared. I just dont know how to feel it. Its like the word scared is hovering over my head at it cant land. So it just stays there, cuz there's no spot for it. Sometimes Im even desperate for sadness, sorrow. And then I get even more scared. I.... Ive forgotten how to do this. Im even scared to write. I hate it. I fuckin hate it.

But now, I just wish I could cry, for no reason... 

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